His Rt. Hon. Kale

Some kale was impulse bought yesterday. It was being talked up over the weekend and I’m a curious sort of cat so, as so often happens, I was moseying with little intent around the covered market and the urge to buy this really rather extraordinary green leaf just sprang on me. I’m sure you’re familiar with the feeling, gentle reader. No?

I head back to the homestead tomorrow and today has a feeling of last-day-of-school about it. With a moderately productive half-day under my belt, interspersed with the odd Google recipe search for things with kale in, I headed off to the kitchen with a post-it scrawled with the recipe for ‘kale, chorizo and potato hash’. Praises be, I actually had all of the ingredients; quite a feat considering I’ve been trying to Finish Things Up before I head off – the fridge does look very forlorn but upshot is END of soya mince bolog, END of carrot and celery soup, No More Sad Cheddar stuck at the back and an entirely used up pot of baking powder (not that that will go off, but it’s gone nonetheless).

To the making of this hash then. I’ve really been trying to Do Recipes properly recently. Quite possibly this is because of the almighty and depressing messes that needing to finish things off seems to necessitate in my case. Anyway, I went all out and even timed things. First thing to do was begin heating up two pans of water – curses on this crap slow-heating electric cooker – while I quick peeled a potato and cut it into 2cm dice (I did not use a ruler). Now, for reasons unknown to man, child or beast, I had envisaged the drawing out of the kale from its plastic bag as a magisterial moment amidst the bustle of my cooking  – it’s just so expansive and its stems so sure of themselves –  a moment that in fact was slightly disastrous as the fronds, still wet from the market stall, flicked cold water everywhere and into my eye. Eyes recovered, the huge stalky Kale was definitely worth a moment of contemplation. Deeply Green and with an aura of health about it, and yet surprisingly tasty. Most certainly a vegetable that commands respect, without there even being a reason why. I felt humbled yet encouraged by its strength.

Post-reverie, kale branches got cut off and squashed into the now boiling water to be blanched for but one minute. Meanwhile, olive oil was being heated, chorizo chopped, chorizo plopped (into oil) and the electric orange ooze of paprika beginning to spread itself around the frying pan. Out of the pan comes the kale, quietly and powerfully steaming, and it is duly drained. Recipe required it be ‘refreshed in cold water’, like some Roman nobleman moving from hot baths to the frigidarium for an invigorating cold rub down by his manservant Grumio.

A subordinate smirk on my face, Refreshed it was and left to drain again. Chorizo by this point was crisping pleasantly. Post-it called for it to be removed from the pan with a slotted spoon but I, slotted spoon-less, did the old tip the pan towards you and flick the stuff you don’t want covered in oil into a bowl the other side, type method. I find this not only works but also adds a hint of jeopardy to the proceedings; in my opinion, just the right amount of jeopardy when it comes to hot oil. Hot pan then hosts the onion and three squashed garlic cloves (the end of the garlic was beginning to sprout, but this meant it was so very easy to peel – hoorah for squidgy garlic!), softened up, then add boiled potato cubes and chunks of crispy chorizo. The final task was squeezing water out of the refreshed kale (surprisingly not at all soggy) and chopping finely. Into the pan, mixy mixy, et bon. We have a Hash.

Quite a large plate of hash too…. On tasting I found lemon juice liberally swizzled over the lot did wonders. I’m definitely making this one again. In the spirit of the sort of calm that comes before the holidays, so my lunch-making process was gloriously hassle free. Plus, my saucepans got to be introduced to something that’s basically vegetable royalty – Kale. Long Live the Kale!